My life has been going awesomely, but last weekend, almost for no reason at all, I was flooded with harsh emotions that completely took control over my mood. I had plans which I didn’t want to give up on, even though what I really wanted to do was to fold into a small ball and bury myself under the covers until it passed. Yet I went about my plans as if all were as usual, feeling those unpleasant feelings. As pools of tears formed in my eyes I remembered that the only thing that matters right now is to find a way to feel better. To find a way of feeling better then i did right then.
Feeling better is a very simple and lovely idea which I have learned from the highly recommended book Ask and it is Given. It allows me to take a break from the race for happiness and from the annoying self criticism which claims that nothing works. To overcome that negative voice inside that says It doesn’t matter what I try, I still don’t feel good.
At the rough moments it's not about everything being awesome, its just about feeling better right now.
I used to try and go from being sad, angry and upset directly to being happy and carefree and I would fail miserably time after time, until I realized that everything is gradual and the only thing I should be concerned about is how to give myself a little relief and feel better than i am feeling at this moment.
Feeling better is directly on the path to feeling good.
When I am driving from Beer-Sheva to Tel-Aviv I understand that this journey will take me about an hour and a half and I don’t expect to get there in five minutes. I don’t turn back every twenty minutes thinking oh crap I still didn’t make it. I keep on going on the same road knowing that it will take me there and all I need to do is just keep on moving in that direction.
Turning back is what I used to do with my emotions. I would try all these different ways and methods. I persisted with my physical activity, I found new hobbies, I went to different kinds of therapy and then after a while I would get all upset that I was not as happy and radiating as I wanted to be. I didn’t understand the value of feeling better – which allows us to look for ways of feeling even better. I used to go back and then try again to jump straight to the peak.
Today I know that all I need to look for in my tough moments is how to feel better. And when I feel better I can then feel even better and from over there I can see things which I couldn’t have seen from where I was.
I wanna share with you a few simple methods that I have learned and which help me feel better in the days when I feel bad, and to stress how important it is to understand the value of feeling better. Feeling better is like a station on the way from Beer-Sheva to Tel-Aviv, it is not possible to just jump from here to there, even if the road is "getting shorter" as our cars are getting faster.
Method a – three breaths
Simple, ha? And works like a charm
Every time I feel the stress accumulate (and at the ending of every yoga practice, before getting into the last relaxation pose) I close my eyes, take a deep breath through my nose and let all the air out through my mouth with a sigh of relief.
Try it with me now for three times
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m feeling better already :)
It emberesses me a little and I think its funny, even when I’m alone in the room, so it always makes me smile.
This is a proven method for reducing stress.
Method b – proving myself otherwise
Our minds work for us and when we have an idea running in our heads, our minds find more and more thoughts to support that idea.
If for instance I am upset and angry at myself for misbehaving, my head is getting filled with thoughts like “I’m always making such a drama out of everything” or “why can’t I just let go and give up on all of this anger”.
So I make myself find some thoughts which support the exact opposite to that, and give myself examples of times where I acted in a kind way and prove to myself that I am already, or that I am trying my best to be, the good Miri that I want to be.
We can make ourselves believe whatever we want to believe, it’s just a matter of understanding how to use our minds as a tool to achieve whatever. Finding thoughts which feel better to us, is an awesome awesome technique, simply because they make us feel better.
When I am upset with somebody else, I do the same thing and find proof in my mind of them being good. And if it is someone I don’t know, I think of how I would react if it was a good friend of mine.
By doing this, the intensity of the criticism we experience is being reduced and even though I may still be upset, I am definitely not as upset as before, and am feeling better, which is all that matters.
Method c - talking to myself as if I am my best friend
When I am being very hard on myself or feeling unloved or when I am failing at something, then for one moment I take a step back and look at the situation and think to myself what would I tell my best friend if she would have told me that same story. What would I have said to her?
Most probably whatever happened, I would have told her its ok; that she had a rough day and that tomorrow she will feel alot better. I might even offer her a solution to her problem and I would talk to her with all my kindness and love, because I know her, I know how good she is and that her intentions are good as well.
And then I say all of that to myself...
That’s it,
When you have any kind of emotion which feels not good to you just look for a way of feeling better. Look for which thought makes you feel better because whatever is better is better.
And tell a friend about what you are going through. Talking about it helps to make sense again in our minds and allows us to see that we are not alone, that there is someone who cares about us even when we feel like we have screwed up, and helps us feel better.
I hope you are smiling and feeling truly grateful, at least once a day.
What do you think about my methods? Are they working for you?
Let me know :)
Feeling better is a very simple and lovely idea which I have learned from the highly recommended book Ask and it is Given. It allows me to take a break from the race for happiness and from the annoying self criticism which claims that nothing works. To overcome that negative voice inside that says It doesn’t matter what I try, I still don’t feel good.
At the rough moments it's not about everything being awesome, its just about feeling better right now.
I used to try and go from being sad, angry and upset directly to being happy and carefree and I would fail miserably time after time, until I realized that everything is gradual and the only thing I should be concerned about is how to give myself a little relief and feel better than i am feeling at this moment.
Feeling better is directly on the path to feeling good.
When I am driving from Beer-Sheva to Tel-Aviv I understand that this journey will take me about an hour and a half and I don’t expect to get there in five minutes. I don’t turn back every twenty minutes thinking oh crap I still didn’t make it. I keep on going on the same road knowing that it will take me there and all I need to do is just keep on moving in that direction.
Turning back is what I used to do with my emotions. I would try all these different ways and methods. I persisted with my physical activity, I found new hobbies, I went to different kinds of therapy and then after a while I would get all upset that I was not as happy and radiating as I wanted to be. I didn’t understand the value of feeling better – which allows us to look for ways of feeling even better. I used to go back and then try again to jump straight to the peak.
Today I know that all I need to look for in my tough moments is how to feel better. And when I feel better I can then feel even better and from over there I can see things which I couldn’t have seen from where I was.
I wanna share with you a few simple methods that I have learned and which help me feel better in the days when I feel bad, and to stress how important it is to understand the value of feeling better. Feeling better is like a station on the way from Beer-Sheva to Tel-Aviv, it is not possible to just jump from here to there, even if the road is "getting shorter" as our cars are getting faster.
Method a – three breaths
Simple, ha? And works like a charm
Every time I feel the stress accumulate (and at the ending of every yoga practice, before getting into the last relaxation pose) I close my eyes, take a deep breath through my nose and let all the air out through my mouth with a sigh of relief.
Try it with me now for three times
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
Breathe in….. haaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m feeling better already :)
It emberesses me a little and I think its funny, even when I’m alone in the room, so it always makes me smile.
This is a proven method for reducing stress.
Method b – proving myself otherwise
Our minds work for us and when we have an idea running in our heads, our minds find more and more thoughts to support that idea.
If for instance I am upset and angry at myself for misbehaving, my head is getting filled with thoughts like “I’m always making such a drama out of everything” or “why can’t I just let go and give up on all of this anger”.
So I make myself find some thoughts which support the exact opposite to that, and give myself examples of times where I acted in a kind way and prove to myself that I am already, or that I am trying my best to be, the good Miri that I want to be.
We can make ourselves believe whatever we want to believe, it’s just a matter of understanding how to use our minds as a tool to achieve whatever. Finding thoughts which feel better to us, is an awesome awesome technique, simply because they make us feel better.
When I am upset with somebody else, I do the same thing and find proof in my mind of them being good. And if it is someone I don’t know, I think of how I would react if it was a good friend of mine.
By doing this, the intensity of the criticism we experience is being reduced and even though I may still be upset, I am definitely not as upset as before, and am feeling better, which is all that matters.
Method c - talking to myself as if I am my best friend
When I am being very hard on myself or feeling unloved or when I am failing at something, then for one moment I take a step back and look at the situation and think to myself what would I tell my best friend if she would have told me that same story. What would I have said to her?
Most probably whatever happened, I would have told her its ok; that she had a rough day and that tomorrow she will feel alot better. I might even offer her a solution to her problem and I would talk to her with all my kindness and love, because I know her, I know how good she is and that her intentions are good as well.
And then I say all of that to myself...
That’s it,
When you have any kind of emotion which feels not good to you just look for a way of feeling better. Look for which thought makes you feel better because whatever is better is better.
And tell a friend about what you are going through. Talking about it helps to make sense again in our minds and allows us to see that we are not alone, that there is someone who cares about us even when we feel like we have screwed up, and helps us feel better.
I hope you are smiling and feeling truly grateful, at least once a day.
What do you think about my methods? Are they working for you?
Let me know :)
Feeling much much better, Miri
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